All information contained in this article is theoretical. If you see pieces of information shared in this article as applicable to you and your family structure. Take that information and use it, to better understand the relationships you have within your family.
This theory dives deep into the family structure, and the impact an incorrect structure can have on all members of the family. The incorrect role placement theory brings to light patters and generational issues, that come from incorrect role placement. Throughout the theory there is a set number of roles that can be played within a family. If you choose to test the theory on your family, ensure you only use the roles outlined in this article. If you start creating roles that aren't outlined, the information and patterns will most likely not present themselves clearly.
Written By:
Jonathan Molendijk
Hello, my name's Jonathan Molendijk I am a self-discovered ecommerce entrepreneur that has several years of buyer psychology study, and a massive fascination in human psychology. I have reviewed and applied several of the practices outlined in this theory on my own family and families of people I know. Through this testing it became clear that the information in this theory outlines patters that tell the truth of the present, and can predict the future.
The Family Roles, Come Back To These While Reviewing The Theory
Father
Mother
Daughter (Submissive, Rebellious)
Son (Submissive, Rebellious)
Husband
Wife
Each of these outline all the possible roles within a family structure. Of course there are other roles like brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather. But those roles do not have enough impact on a family to be added to the theory. Through live testing and backtesting I was able to determine that the roles listed above, are effected the most by incorrect role placement.
It's important to understand that when a man marries a women, he takes on the role of husband and she takes on the role of wife. If a man enters into a relationship and doesn't take on the role of husband 100%, he will compromise a wife even if she enters into the relationship playing the wife role 100%. This does not happen the other way around. If a women enters the relationship not 100% a wife, and the man enters the relationship 100% a husband. He can correct the imbalance in the relationship and realign the wives role to 100%.
This is important to understand, and is not a sexist opinion. This is a pattern that I noticed by going through 5 different family trees, seeing a pattern of women entering relationships 100% as wives and being corrupted by men who entered the relationships not 100% as husbands. This will make more sense as you read and understand the theory below.
Incorrect Role Placement
Incorrect role placement in it's simplest form, means someone plays the wrong role in the family. What this means, is that a husband can play a father to his wife instead of the husband role. A son can play a husband role to his mother, instead of a son. Incorrect roles are played out in several different ways, but the easiest way to understand them is by comparing them to the natural role someone would play.
For example, if a son is playing the role of husband to his mother. The characteristics, traits and behaviours that are shown in their relationship. Will resemble a husband and wife, more so than a mother and son. When someone in a family plays the incorrect role, it has an affect on the direct relationship while also having a trickle effect on the other relationships in the family.
Understanding The Imbalance
When someone plays a role, they can play that role completely or partially. Understanding how much of a role someone plays in a family, can give you a clear insight into issues that are presenting themselves. While also giving you an opportunity to take that understanding, and work on achieving 100% in your correct role. If you start to see yourself or someone in your family playing an incorrect role, understanding how much of that incorrect role is being played will help you understand how much work needs to be done to correct it.
To give you an example, if a son is playing husband to his mother. He could be playing 10% husband to his mother and 90% son to his mother. This means that he is only partially playing an incorrect role, and the amount of work needed to correct his role placement is minimal. A relationship like this, where the incorrect role placement is minimal will also have very little effect on the relationship and the surrounding relationships. But it's still important to address the issue, before it gets worse.
How Patterns Play Out
If you take this theory and start applying it to your family tree. You will be able to see certain patterns that play out, and can start to predict the future of your family issues. Below I will highlight the main patterns that play out in families, and what incorrect role placements caused these patterns.
I will list the incorrect role placements in order of impact they have on families and future generations. So if you notice you, or someone you know is playing one of the incorrect role structures found at the top. Make sure you do not take it lightly, because these incorrect role placements can have trickle effects on several generations beyond yourself.
Husband playing father to his wife:
When a husband plays father to his wife, instead of husband. This forces someone else to take the role of husband for the wife. Generally if there is a son in the family, the son will either naturally take over the role or be subconsciously forced into it by his mother. As you can see the trickle effect of incorrect role placement has already started.
When a husband plays father to his wife, it will also force the wife to take on a different role. As she cannot be a wife to her father. When a husband plays the role of father to his wife, generally the wife will take on one of two roles (submissive daughter or rebellious daughter). The only other option a women has is to flee, this would be through divorce or physically leaving the relationship. I believe this is the reason why so many divorces are started by women and not men. It is because a women cannot correct a mans incorrect role placement. Even if she enters into the relationship and plays her role as wife 100%. This is important to know, we will come back to this in a moment.
Son playing husband to his mother:
This incorrect role placement is almost always the direct result of a husband playing father to his wife. When a husband plays father to his wife, the wife will naturally start looking for someone to play the husband role. This role is typically forced onto a son, resulting in him playing husband to his mother. Can you see how one incorrect role placement, trickles down the line into other relationships.
Stick with me here. So when a son plays husband to his mother. He will take on several of the characteristics of a husband. This means, he will try to protector her, care for her, embrace her and several other things that seams like something a son would do. But are just not quite the way they should be done. Any incorrect role placement is unhealthy, even if it is a son caring for and protecting his mother. If it's done due to him playing the role of husband to his mother, it's unhealthy and will result in several relationship issues in the future.
Daughter Playing Wife To Her Father
This very rarely occurs when the mother is still in the picture. But in certain cases where the mother is so checked out, this incorrect role placement can still occur. When a daughter plays wife to her father, she will take on several of the characteristics of a wife. This can include care, love and personal upkeep of her father. These are all things that a daughter will typically do, but when she is doing them while playing the role of wife. The amount of time and effort put into these things will be drastically increased. This is why you will see some families where the mother has died or left and the daughter thinks and acts like her fathers wife.
Keeping the house clean, emotionally supporting him and many other things. Again, when this is incorrect role placement it is very obvious that these things are not just a daughter taking care of her father. It is a daughter taking on the incorrect role of wife to her father. This incorrect role placement will have an effect on her future relationship with her husband. Because she cannot fully be a wife to her husband, if she is still partially a wife to her father.
Quick Breakdown of percentages before we continue with the incorrect roles.
When someone is playing an incorrect role, lets say a son playing husband to his mother. This means that a percentage of that role is taken away from the relationship it should be in. Below are some examples of what percentages look like, in incorrect role placements.
Daughter plays 50% wife to her father
She now only has 50% wife to offer to her husband.
Son plays 50% husband to his mother
He now only has 50% husband to offer to his wife.
Any percentage given to the incorrect role is taken from the correct role. This is why if a son is still partially playing husband to his mother (50%), his wife will always feel like he is not fully her husband. Since he is only giving 50% of his husband role to her. I hope this makes sense, because this is where you'll be able to see how people react to relationships where they aren't getting 100% from the person they're with.
The next incorrect role placements are trickle effect roles, that generally have occurred due to incorrect role placement higher in the family line.
Wife playing mother to her husband
When a wife plays mother to her husband, it will result in her husband taking on one of two roles (submissive son, rebellious son). You will see real world examples of this kind of incorrect role placement playing out. Typically where the women is frustrated with the man, because he acts so much like a child. As with all incorrect role placements, it is the mans responsibility to correct his role and properly play the husband role 100%.
Even if the wife stops playing mother, and fully embraces her role as wife 100%. This does not guarantee the husband will stop behaving like a son. But with that said, it always helps a lot if your partner is actively playing their role. As this will create an environment where it's much easier to fully step into your role. But if your a women fully playing your role as wife, and your husband is still behaving like a son submissive or son rebellious. Unfortunately you may come to a point where leaving them is the best option.
The Trickle Effect
If a son plays husband to his mother, there is a high likelihood he will end up playing father to his wife.
If a daughter plays wife to her father, there is a high likelihood she will end up playing mother to her husband.
If a wife plays daughter submissive to her husband due to him playing father to her. There is a high likelihood the relationship will continue, but it will be toxic and result in her actively looking for someone to play the role of husband for her (typically one of her sons, or another man if there are no sons)
If a wife plays daughter rebellious to her husband due to him playing father to her. There is a high likelihood she will eventually end the relationship and leave him. But before that happens the damage in the family line could already have been done. With her pushing one of her sons into playing the role of husband to his mother.
Don't think the roles are sex specific, below I will give some examples of certain incorrect role placements that can occur. That are even more abnormal, and generally create even more complex solutions to the issues that come from these incorrect roles.
If a daughter plays mother to her father, this will have a direct impact on her children. Since she is partially playing mother to her father, part of her motherly role is taken up and not given to her children. This can also have an effect on the marriage, as the kids are not fully getting their mother which will put additional strain on the father.
If a daughter plays father to her mother, this will create all kinds of issues in all relationships. As you can see the roles are malleable, a daughter can play father to her mother and even father to her children. Even though it is possible, it is always a bad thing for all relationships. When a daughter plays father to her mother she will typically get so accustom to this role, that she will subconsciously play father to her children. This will put strain on a marriage, as she is taking over part of the fathers role whether he let it go or was still fighting for it.
Here is an example of how incorrect role placement can play out on repeat:
Son plays husband to his mother
⬇
Which results in him playing father to his wife
⬇
Which results in his wife playing daughter to him
⬇
Which results in her pushing her sons to play husband to her
⬇
Which results in her sons playing husband to their mother
⬇
Which results in them playing father to their wives.
⬇
Which results in their wives playing daughter to them
⬇
Which results in their wives pushing theirs sons to play husband to them.
And so on, and so on. The pattern can literately repeat itself for several generations. In my family line we saw this exact patter repeat itself going back three generations.
Roles And Their Traits
Every role has it's own unique traits, and certain roles have similarities. But if you really look at the way someone is behaving in their relationship with your or someone in your family. You will be able to see how much of an incorrect role they're playing and break it down into a percentage.
Once you understand how much of an incorrect role someone is playing. You can better navigate the relationship, and actively work on correcting the relationship. With that said, It's important to always keep in mind the below rules. Or you may find yourself getting frustrated, demoralized and confused.
Rule #1: The best way to correct any incorrect role placement in a relationships your in, is to focus on being 100% the correct role yourself. Instead of trying to correct the role of the other person in the relationship. If your 50% a mother to your husband that means your 50% a mother to your children. Focus on being 100% a mother to your children and 100% a wife to your husband. Same example applies to all relationships.
Rule #2: Unfortunately or fortunately, it may just be the natural way of things. But the proof is there and cannot be denied. In a marriage the male can correct a female playing the incorrect role, by playing his role as husband 100%. But a wife cannot do the same, if her husband is not playing his role correctly. If you're a man, take ownership of this responsibility. Do everything in your power to play your role as husband 100%, as that is all it takes to correct a wife that is not playing her role 100%. If your a woman, understand this as a truth. It will save you a lot of heart ache and pain, and potentially further damage to future generations that come from staying with the man. If your a woman and you play your role as wife 100% for several years and your husband does not start to play his role as husband. You may reach a point where the best option is to walk away and find a new man (as you cannot correct him into his role by playing your role, he must make correction).
Understanding The Past
If you're about to marry someone, or have kids with someone. It's very important to understand the roles your playing and the roles they're playing before you make these decisions. Incorrect role placement has a direct effect on marriages and children, and it's your responsibility to correct these before you get married or have kids.
If your planning on getting married, find out if your partner is already fully playing their role. The role of husband or wife can already play out prior to getting married. If you feel like your partner is partially playing another role, go through their family structure. That is where you'll get answers as to why someone may be playing an incorrect role.
If you're about to have children, ensure your playing your correct roles. Or you will doom the family line to repeat the same mistakes that happened in your family from incorrect role placements. Males playing incorrect roles have the largest impact on future generations, as the male cannot be corrected by the female in a marriage. Below I will list the highest impact incorrect roles, based on marriages and children.
Notice how the highest impact incorrect roles, are the ones played by the man when it comes to a marriage. Again, this is because a man entering into a marriage playing an incorrect role cannot be corrected by a woman playing 100% wife. But a woman entering a marriage playing an incorrect role can be corrected by a man playing 100% husband.
Highest impact on marriage:
Son playing husband to his mother, almost always results in him playing father to his wife and not fully playing husband to his wife.
Husband playing father to his wife, almost always results in her seeking someone else to play the husband role (generally her sons, if no sons exist it will most likely be another man)
Highest impact on children:
Husband playing father to his wife, this means he is never fully a father to his children.
Wife playing mother to her husband, this means she is never fully a mother to her children.
Husband playing son submissive or rebellious to his wife, this means the children never get to see a role model of what a husband is.
Wife playing daughter submissive or rebellious to her husband, this means the children never get to see a role model for what a wife is.